Restore my joy

I'm not sure how to move on from here. It's been a year or more and I have been so cold, so distant, chasing after things that I thought were so important, people that I thought truly cared but when push came to shove I found that none of it was real, only You. And here I stand, broken and hurt, seemingly alone, wondering why I wasted so much time, wondering why I believed the lie. And You, You never left my side. You gave me the space I needed to do what I had to do, knowing the pain I'd feel when I was through, but you stayed right here and when it was time You stepped in and said "enough", and now You're here to pick me up knowing full well that my heart desires to run still, to run back to the very things that hurt me, that leave me dissatisfied and broken. Why? I don't want to be this way, LORD, I don't want to want to run away. I want to change. I know the only thing that matters is my relationship with You, the only One who can truly satisfy me is You, so why do I keep falling back into the mentality that You are not enough. Why do I keep chasing after "more" when there isn't anything more?
All eyes are on me now, watching me as I feel the pain, the consequences of the choices I've made, the fruits of my labors over this past year or so, we reap what we sow, and yet, LORD, You are able to take what satan meant for evil and use it for Your Glory and so I am asking that You begin to restore my joy in You, lift my eyes and make me new, help me to walk upright and to always remember that I am in Your Presence, let the eyes that have seen me struggle and fall now see the power of God at work in my life, the power of Jesus Christ and knowing Him lifting me out of the valley I'm in and setting my feet on solid ground again. Help me to remember that I am no longer my own. I am Yours. You bought me at a great price and I owe you my life. Please give me the strength I need to get out of this place I'm in right now, give me the joy I know can come only from knowing You, knowing truth, restore my joy, LORD, forgive me for looking elsewhere for what can only be found in You. Forgive me for over stepping boundaries that were set in wisdom and love. Forgive me for turning my back on You, for asking You to leave me alone, LORD, I never really meant it. I love you because I know that You and You alone truly love me. Thank You for never letting go.